a glistening new year

I said to myself, "I'll go away for a while;

My love might then have reason to be sorry."

She had endless patience; I can't hide:

It didn't work, no matter how I tried.

#1292: From Rumi's Kolliyaat-e Shams-e Tabrizi

It's fully 2006 by now, midnight having rolled around the whole world in a complete cycle. Yesterday was dominated by the heat which reached 45 C outside and 34 C inside the house. Relief came in the evening with a dramatic southerly wind change which dropped the outside temperature by 10 degrees almost instantly. Great gusts of cool air came sweeping in through open windows. I still worried about the garden which was dried out, leaves burnt to a rust colour and flowers shrivelled up. At 5am this morning the rain came and the garden can drink deeply for it is good solid steady rain. At last, I feel that the new year can begin.

I chose a verse today somewhat at random, deciding to stay with the theme of going away or being apart. Rumi brings up the imagery of a lover who is impatient with the beloved and withdraws in protest. The beloved then turns out to be infinitely patient and unconcerned at the failed attempt at departure.

This is a difficult theme for me to tackle, it feels quite confrontational. I have been withdrawn now for so long, I'm not sure where to go with this now. It's a new year, a time to wonder whether it must stay like this. If I must come out of hiding, how will that seem? I don't even know how I myself appear, so I must come out of hiding from myself first. Perhaps I need to be brave enough simply to withdraw from the withdrawal. Perhaps Rumi is right, perhaps it won't work, no matter how I try.

Although the idea itself is inchoate and how I appear out of hiding even more so, I will make it my theme for 2006: to come out of hiding. I'll show the world a little more just what I'm made of and hopefully bear the consequences with calm or, better still, with humour. May revelation, then, come hand in hand with merry revelry, and love come side by side with laughter.