Tuesday, May 31, 2005

take it or leave it

I told my heart, if there's a chance to speak,

Tell my love, between the lines, my sadness.

Heart answered me, "When I meet my lover,

The sight of her leaves me no need for speech."

#1434: From Rumi's Kolliyaat-e Shams-e Tabrizi

It wasn't easy this morning. Starting with change, I then tried fast, slow, speed, still, move, stand, abide, and then decided I might have to use chance, and sure enough a quatrain finally turned up. I do so feel this is a time of change for me and for my family. Here in Rumi, chance is opportunity, not random event. There are two voices here: the one wants to speak up, the other feels no need to. I feel there is an underlying investment of love between me and doubtless that is unspoken. He is some "other" person who writes surprising responses but he is also the "other" in me who can respond in turn. I finally feel I'm communicating with a Muslim, even if we disagree on quite a few things. He didn't agree to the debate with batty (nbhatti) but I am arguing the apologist line instead. Probably better than batty might have.

I wonder how long this discussion will go on for. It takes up a good deal of my writing time and I want it to wind up somehow. I can see it won't wind up today, not yet. I'll take comfort in Rumi's verse and say simply that there will be days when I write a lot in here and days when I write little.


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