walking in trust

Why is your love such a wise teacher,

A foundation so soft, but unfailing?

Why do I burn for love if it's not good?

If love is good, why this noise, this wailing?

#363: From Rumi's Kolliyaat-e Shams-e Tabrizi

I ended with questions yesterday and Rumi answers with questions today. I woke this morning from an astonishing dream in which a dream-house is revealed, one that I had not known about. A builder is carrying out renovations on a first floor extension and I visit the top or fourth level which is tenanted by a young woman artist with a couple of kids. That floor has nice views but a low ceiling and therefore a gloomy feel. I want to lighten it up a bit for her but am not sure where I'll find the funds for it. The whole house is a bit run down.

I've also been in a sad and gloomy mood of late, expressing the wailing of the last line here. The third line refers to the manic phase of manic-depression, the roller coaster ride that so often characterizes the passionate pursuit of the beloved. From a separate source, in the Mathnawi, Rumi assures us that the lows are vital to progress:

Should heartache enter your mind and ambush your joy,
yet it prepares the way for happiness.
Quickly it sweeps all others out of the house
so that joy may come to you from the source of good.
It shakes the yellow leaves from the branch of the heart,
so that fresh leaves may grow continuously.
It pulls up the root of old happiness so that
a new ecstasy may stroll in from yonder.
Heartache pulls up withered and crooked roots
so that no root may remain concealed.
Though heartache may extract many things from the heart,
in truth it will bring something better in return.

Mathnawi V: 3678-83, translation by William C. Chittick

The heartache never fails to hurt, though, no matter how wise one might be about its ultimate purpose. It usually marks a time when we must shed some old skin and re-invent ourselves (that being the new way to express it). New archetypal themes, new paradigms and concerns, new ideas and images fascinate each new generation. Each makes fresh demands on our intellectual, aesthetic and moral capabilities. We must understand the roots of the problems we encounter, any withered and crooked roots must be examined and addressed. This is the process I'm painfully going through right now and I must trust in a favourable outcome.

Imagine trusting in love, imagine trusting in a wise teacher. Is this but folly or will it return a real gain? I have no definitive answers but I do know that this love-light will serve me for yet another day.